Can't find the other topic I had on jokes and humor.. so here's another:


The Parrot

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look! It's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or, "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days.


Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...

"OK, I give up. Where's the friggin' ship?"

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Kroll
COR Elder/member since 5/12/99 (EQ1) {Application made 2/12/99 - loved that 90 day mandatory waiting period}

- I'm not as think as you drunk I am
- This week I achieved unprecedented levels of unverifiable productivity
- Back in my day... bacon, eggs, milk and sunshine were good for you
- "If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands." - Douglas Adams

SWTOR - Kroll - Rubat Crystal server Active
EQ I, AC, UO, Lineage, Ryzom, EQ II, PotBS, DDO, DAOC, WAR, LOTRO, EVE, WOW, RIFT, LoU
Kroll and/or Krollji - in various professions and crafts

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good prospects'

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MEH.

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

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Kroll
COR Elder/member since 5/12/99 (EQ1) {Application made 2/12/99 - loved that 90 day mandatory waiting period}

- I'm not as think as you drunk I am
- This week I achieved unprecedented levels of unverifiable productivity
- Back in my day... bacon, eggs, milk and sunshine were good for you
- "If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands." - Douglas Adams

SWTOR - Kroll - Rubat Crystal server Active
EQ I, AC, UO, Lineage, Ryzom, EQ II, PotBS, DDO, DAOC, WAR, LOTRO, EVE, WOW, RIFT, LoU
Kroll and/or Krollji - in various professions and crafts

The best tools money can buy. Does 3M shop at the same supply store as the US Government? That straw and chewing gum probably would cost $300.

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Baku Draconis
Sarsar Kherid-Din

LOL Love it Cyn!

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Also known as: Lysira, Veeci, Silverblade

Airplanes

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real reported examples:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

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Kroll
COR Elder/member since 5/12/99 (EQ1) {Application made 2/12/99 - loved that 90 day mandatory waiting period}

- I'm not as think as you drunk I am
- This week I achieved unprecedented levels of unverifiable productivity
- Back in my day... bacon, eggs, milk and sunshine were good for you
- "If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands." - Douglas Adams

SWTOR - Kroll - Rubat Crystal server Active
EQ I, AC, UO, Lineage, Ryzom, EQ II, PotBS, DDO, DAOC, WAR, LOTRO, EVE, WOW, RIFT, LoU
Kroll and/or Krollji - in various professions and crafts

For Cay

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Games/characters:
Rift
Popps (Cleric healer, AOE DPS/off-healer/Melee DPS)
Meredith (Rogue soul mainly Ranger/Marksman/Riftstalker)

The wife and daughter just loved that pic ;)

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Doubt I would have fallen for that. The guys should had done the obvious when they saw first item :)